It felt cool on my feet and a little dirty. Scratchiness on my legs and back made it uncomfortable for me to be happy and I was scared of not knowing what to do. I looked to all the other little faces that were smiling and the moms that were smiling too but, I didn't feel that way. I felt all alone and scared.
My feet ran as fast as they could onto the stage and I think I remembered my steps but I was too scared and embarrassed that I had no shoes on, and I only had flowers covering my bossoms to enjoy the moment.
Dance Receital for me happened when I was four. I was a hawaiin dancer in a shiny grass skirt and flower bra with bare feet. It embarrassed me then and it would be just as traumatic now. However, I was also in a second dance, where I was a baby chick dressed in the softest white fuzzy material that came to my wrists and up to my chin. Although my legs were bare I wore tap shoes! Does it ever make you wonder, that your level of modesty may have been ingrained when you were just a little goober? I think mine was inate even then, and that code of modesty has lasted throughout my life.
Today was Carly's first day of Dance. She would not show me what she did in class because she said she was "shy" , now let me say she is far from shy! However, I wonder if the feelings in her soul today are the feelings that will last her lifetime, as mine did? Isn't it amazing to see that the way the world views you isn't necessarily the same way you view yourself.
My personna has been viewed so differently by my siblings then what is in my heart. I guess we put on airs as my mother would have said. Is it to protect us, or show a side we wish we were, or is it just something inate that we have no way of stearing. I wish I knew. Whatever it is, we should take the time to acknowledge the feeling and then nurture the heart from whence it came to give courage, patience, confidence and love.
Find that little child that once was in your heart and teach them to learn it is okay!
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Treasure Queen said...

Wow.. that was such an insight into feelings past... thanks for sharing... I think as we get older we put on so much bravado to hide the true feelings and just get on with it.. love your writings!

Shelia said...

First of all, this is such a precious, precious picture of little Carly. I love the black and white. You can only imagine, what is going through her mind. I never took dance, but remember the different grade commencement programs and how intiminating they were. and you are so right, we carry those same feelings throughout life. I love to visit at your backdoor, Donna.

Linda said...

You are a wonderful writer, yes somethings we never forget. I did not dance but I will never forgt how hurt I was when the high school boys teased me as I walked home (past the high shool) when I was in elementary school... I cried I was so hurt, I was shy and had red hair....the only one in our teeny town. You have great insight, your cards are fabulous and I wish I lived in your neighborhood.