I never said a word. Or at least I don't remember saying a word, but the story in my mind went like this.....
Oh my goodness, I have never been to a place like this. My shoes are shiny and my dress is poofy and I match everyone on the outside, but I am scared on the inside.
I feel like I don't want to be here, but I do want to be here, I wish I wasn't so scared. I don't know how to act. The floors are so shiny. They are wood and they shine like the black piano in the sunlight against the wall. They shine like my black pattent leather shoes.
The girls and boys are all talking, but not me. I am just standing, looking, waiting, wondering....scared. The mother seems to know what to do. She is dressed nicely, and she is telling us we are going to play games. It is Denise's birthday. She is prettier than all of the other kids. She is smarter too. She takes dancing lessons and piano lessons and she has really pretty toys....... hmmmmmmm.
Is that where I came from, was that the beginning of being insecure? It was my first time out, to be on my own in a social situation. I am still that scared at a party. Even when the party is the one I am giving . I want it to be shiny. I want it to be pretty, I want it to be what everyone else expects. I never feel it is good enough. I never feel they will have fun. I am scared. Still, always, forever. Wish me luck for in two days I will be hosting a party.....I am almost finished decorating.....it looks like snow!Pin It Now!