It's almost Party Time

dessert table waiting for desserts

I never said a word. Or at least I don't remember saying a word, but the story in my mind went like this.....
Oh my goodness, I have never been to a place like this. My shoes are shiny and my dress is poofy and I match everyone on the outside, but I am scared on the inside.
I feel like I don't want to be here, but I do want to be here, I wish I wasn't so scared. I don't know how to act. The floors are so shiny. They are wood and they shine like the black piano in the sunlight against the wall. They shine like my black pattent leather shoes.
The girls and boys are all talking, but not me. I am just standing, looking, waiting, wondering....scared. The mother seems to know what to do. She is dressed nicely, and she is telling us we are going to play games. It is Denise's birthday. She is prettier than all of the other kids. She is smarter too. She takes dancing lessons and piano lessons and she has really pretty toys....... hmmmmmmm.
Is that where I came from, was that the beginning of being insecure? It was my first time out, to be on my own in a social situation. I am still that scared at a party. Even when the party is the one I am giving . I want it to be shiny. I want it to be pretty, I want it to be what everyone else expects. I never feel it is good enough. I never feel they will have fun. I am scared. Still, always, forever. Wish me luck for in two days I will be hosting a party.....I am almost finished decorating.....it looks like snow!
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3 comments:

I Say Tammaro, You Say Tomorrow said...

Auntie, I love you...and I think you might be my real mom :) You describe it perfectly - I LOVE throwing parties, but I am always afraid. Afraid the guests won't have fun, afraid not everything will be perfect.

I always love spending time at your house! Barbecues, holidays - they are all perfectly executed and you are a perfect host!

Anonymous said...

OH MY! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY! I THINK THAT YOUR PARTY WILL LOOK AND BE OVER THE TOP! I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A PARTY THAT IS DRESSED UP LIKE THIS! WHAT BEAUTY!

Andrea L - EnchantINK said...

Hello hunny! I am smiling because I am reading this after your event ... and I know what a beautiful success it was! You were worrying needlessly! But ... oh ... Donna! I can sooooo relate to the sentiments. Your story took me back ... to times when I always went to a party feeling like the ugly duckling with the short cropped hair and the handmade clothes! No ribbons! When I had three little girls of my own ... I was determined that they would all have pretty ribbons for their hair when they went to school. I used to envy those ribbons on all the other girls when I was in primary school! Thanks for sharing. And ... congrats on the wonderful end of year event. It looked sensational! And ... I'm sure you were Belle of the Ball! Hugs xxaxx