When did you become who you are?

ALIVE! hmmmm....we live minute to minute day to day and never really think about it much. Living and being ALIVE don't always coincide even when we begin to ponder the idea. Then one day it clicks and you understand what it really means!

There are rare moments that accentuate the notion of being truly ALIVE. I have an anniversary in my life coming up that definitely defined that very first moment! I hesitate to write about it here because it is so personal, yet it is the moment where I was the MOST REAL and the MOST ALIVE. Although I have pondered writing this post for weeks even debating with myself whether or not to write it, going back and forth from "YES it is who I am and if I am to be honest then it must at some point be written," to " it should never be written leave it alone", and now I have decided to put it to paper. I have decided to leave out the details and just talk about the concept.

First, let me say the interpretation for me of being ALIVE, is when everything else in life is consumed into a particular moment. Now, there are exciting happenstances in life that are exhilarating, and captivating, and exciting, and giggliscious BUT let me ask you are they the defining moments of your life , the ones that come with life altering change that penetrate the mind, body and soul with explosive, indelible, combustible, rebirth? Be careful not to be caught up in the glitz of "moments" but instead look for your own true rebirth.

I can say unequivocally that my life began at the moment, when I was walking in the snow with just shoes on and it didn't matter that my feet were cold. I lost my heel and it still didn't matter ad the nail heads bore into the roadway. What mattered was I was no longer defined as my mother's oldest daughter, or my siblings big sister, or a 10th grader, or a babysitter, or a shy girl, or the chubby girl, or any of that, instead I took an event where I defined MYSELF. I was finally "ME"!!!!! WOW!!!! I am "ME!" I was free, I was flying, I was on top of the world. I was proud, I was "SOMEBODY" I was proud because that "somebody" became "ME"! I was strong, and confident, and perky! I was ALIVE! I changed and became "ME" ......all alone "ME".

That moment will always be a part of me. Sunday, February 11th, 1971 at 2:00 pm will be a moment that will always define who I am. It is the part of me that is all MINE. It was the moment when I became a person who could stand alone, full of love, of caring, of selflessness, of selfishness, of understanding, of growth, of curiosity, of yearning, of desire, of wonder, and full of thought. It is the moment in my life where I can put my finger on it and say this is when I became who I am. I was no longer attached to the lessons of WHO I would become, but instead who I HAD become in one split second. All the preparation and the journey of youth had culminated in a fraction of a second to the awakening.

That was 40 years ago next month. There have been a couple of rebirth moments since then, one was during a personal time in my marriage when I realized things are BIGGER than what we are living at the moment. I loved that lesson as hard and as difficult as it was to endure. It became one of life's sweetest gifts in the revelation of life's knowledge it provided. More recently my rebirth has been spiritual, and even though it has been the longest rebirth and come with much work, like labor it has it's rewards in that work, just as a child it is a treasured jewel that will grow and mature.

I hope you will look on your many days and find that moment in your life when you morphed from cocoon to butterfly. If you are old enough you will have the privilege of wisdom to guide you as you travel the road. If you are young you will have the privilege of relevance. Look carefully and see when you became ALIVE!
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Shelia said...

Love you Donna, this one made me reflect on a lot of "dates" in my life

Andrea L - EnchantINK said...

This one is "deep", Donna! Sometimes I can read between the lines ... but this one is a little trickier. But ... it is good to reflect on those special moments when God opens our eyes to some new truth! Thanks for sharing ... what was a difficult one to write! Hugs xxaxx