Is it not the stomach that keeps the tempo of how we feel?
We eat too much and it treats us to the feeling of fullness, and when that fullness is overdone it treats us to the feeling of physical distress until it is digested. It turns on you if you catch a bug or the "grip" as my parent's generation would call it.
It gives you butterflies on the night before the first day of school and even on your first date. It becomes quiet and pained in the pit when we encounter loss and it is never satiated during grief.
The grief sensation seems to be the most turbulent. You can feel it as it begins in the lower area just above the belly button and when you learn to coexist with that it flushes up to the top just under the heart where you truly feel the ache of loss and when you can stand it no longer it then subsides back somewhere in the middle where nausea can reside and real sickness ensues. We often time describe our feelings with physical vocabulary, using words like heart, and throat and head whenall the time those sensations actually commence in the stomach.
I hate most when the feeling wells up and radiates across my chest and in front of my shoulders for it is there that I am made aware. Then the anxiety of that uncomfortable sensation triggers the impulses of my irrational behavior. For me the behavior temporarily alleviates the stress of the feelings I don't know how to deal with. But sometimes it culminates verbally as argumentative, or in aggression but most often it is the expulsion of compulsive behavior and then I begin to clean. Metaphorically I clean my house, when I should be cleaning my thoughts and feelings, but even after all of these years I find it difficult to address and scrubbing takes hold.
For now the control had been taken from me and I have to learn to deal with the unpleasant feelings in my own stomach! Perhaps it has been a teaching cycle culminating in fullness to be faced head on where it can be quietly quenched once and for all. What ever it is and however long it takes my stomach is the physical organ that is presently churning!
How is yours feeling today!
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