~I made this card to symbolize me as a little girl in a bubble of protection at the seashore while my dad fished. A sweet memory I hold. I thought he would like the card......
Tears trickled quietly behind sunglasses following the contour of her face, dipping into the wrinkles and valleys like water in a twisting turning river bed. Trying not to take a gulp of air and begin the uncontrollable gasping sob, she controlled her breathing first by exhaling the hurt and then the anger. When she was finally able to breathe again the flood became too much to hold back and she desperately tried to blink away the salty water like windshield wipers on extra fast. She had been yelled at and chastised and invalidated just like when she was a child.
Her mind flitted from hurt to anger and her emotions flitted in unison to create bucket loads of sadness to words conjured in her mind not to be spoken out loud. Her silent dialogue between herself and a ghost did nothing to make the crying subside. It wasn't until her racing mind filled with spiritual answers of basically sucking it up- to the rationale of not doing it any longer wore her out, did she wipe her face. It was wetter than a warm day could dry and there were no napkins or tissues in the console so she made do. Looking in the mirror she saw what she had done to herself and realized the redness in her nose was there for the duration of the long quiet ride home. She sighed and knew in her heart that even though she never wanted to go back there she would return the next day and try again.
Dementia and Alzheimer's is not just a condition of the elderly it is a condition of a family. When first we begin to see changes we try to rationalize and in the beginning we can handle the issues that come up. Then one day you find yourself in a pit of despair not knowing what the right coarse of action is. Guilt, and exhaustion, and fear, and angst play out on stage for all to see except for the ones cast in the main role, for they are blind to see.
The day is coming soon that we must awaken to the reality of what is happening to our family in order to transition into the next phase. Even when there is confused opposition we must realize that the safety and well fare of the one afflicted is paramount in order for ALL to regain a sense of wholeness.
~He took the card and turned it over and over in his hands, he was disappointed I hadn't thought enough of him to have brought a store bought card.
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